Script by Parividha das and Radha Mohan das
Radha Mohan das
Directed and produced by Parividha das © 1999
Budhi: Yes your majesty. Sorry I’m late. I was busy settling a border dispute with the Maharaja of Stingabum.
King: Oh you did? Thank you Budhi. I’m so grateful for you relieving me of all this politics and things. (sigh) What would I do without you?
Budhi: That’s funny your majesty, I was just thinking that myself. If I were a King like you and I wanted to show my gratitude towards a loyal minister, you know what I would do? The only thing I could think of was doubling his sa…..
King: (Doesn’t hear what Budhi says) Budhi, I had this brilliant idea.
Budhi: You did?
King: The other day Budhi, I overheard that the market salesmen have been complaining about their falling trade.
Budhi: What?! (sigh) They are always complaining your majesty.
King: Well, anyway. I had this marvelous idea to solve their problem. Are you not curious Budhi?
Budhi: But, but of course your majesty. Please please tell me your marvelous idea. I stand in awe and anticipation.
King: O. hahaha Well, I was thinking Budhi that if you go to one of the markets late in the afternoon and buy up all the remaining goods, then the market people would be most satisfied.
King: Yes you. (feels his throat) Is that a problem Budhi?
Budhi: Eh no eh no There is nothing more satisfying to me than to spent my afternoons having deep and meaningful conversations with market persons.
King: Well, then you must be very happy man Budhi.
Budhi: (Grins) And what is your majesty planning to do with all these useless items purchased?
King: O eh…. Give in charity to the needy?
Budhi: Very noble of you, your majesty.
King: O. eh thank you Budhi.
Budhi: And to which eh market would you like me to go today?
King: O, eh…O the Baruni Bazaar?
Budhi: The Baruni Bazaar, otherwise known as the Bazaar of the great stench. How wonderful!
King: O. I’m so glad you are so enthusiastic about it Budhi. Eh, you better hurry!
Budhi: Yes yes I know, I know. Your majesty, how about eh?
King: O eh ha ha here, you have one hundred rupees Budhi.
Budhi: Would you like any receipts, your majesty?
King: O eh no, no. That won’t be necessary. Better hurry Budhi.
Budhi: I’m going I’m going. (exit)
King: Good (exits humming)
Scene 2Man: Sarees! Sarees! Benares sarees! They’re the last in stock. Roll up! Roll up ladies and gentlemen. This is your lucky day! Top quality! Going very very cheap! Sarees, Benares Sarees! A ravish to the eyes from the silkworms of China! No profit made!
Budhi: Excuse me! How much do you want for all of them?
Man: The whole lot sir? Ehhh. For you: Special discount sir. Seventy rupees and not a paisa more! And that’s a bargain sir, though I say so myself.
Budhi: Seventy?! Ha! I’ll pay you twenty!
Man: As it’s you, forty five!
Budhi: Twenty five and no more
Man: Eh. But this is top quality gear sir. It’s Maha! I’m telling you!
Budhi: Maha?!!! Whose maha? Tanuja the toilet scrubber’s?
Man: O! All right All right You’d have the kurta of my back you would Thirty five and not a paisa more.
Budhi: Twenty five! Take it or leave it.
Man: Sir! You’re a tough nut to crack. You are.
Budhi: Here you are.
Man: Go on, on your way.
Woman: Everything you see sir It be five rupees or less sir.
Budhi: Hmm, let’s have a look! One two three… ten pieces. I’ll offer you twenty-five for the whole lot!
Woman: O Twenty five rupees! O my God! Do me a favor! I’ve paid more than that myself sir!
Budhi: All right. Thirty!
Woman: Sir, Have pity on me! I’ll be making no profit! You’re a gentleman. There’s eleven hungry mouths at home to feed! Two of my daughters have only one leg between them and my eldest son joined the Hare Krishna Hare Ram! (She sees Budhi walking away) Eh, cause you’ve caught me when I’m desperate. I’ll let you have it for cost price. Thirty five!
Budhi: You’ve melted my heart madam.
SCENE 3King: Now where is that Budhi? He should have been back by now. Ah here he comes.
Budhi: Your majesty.
King: And Budhi, did you buy up everything that was left over in the market?
King: Good. Show me. (Budhi shakes the things out of the bag)
Budhi: There your majesty.
King: Thank you thank you. O this looks rather interesting. What could it be? Ah, maybe it’s an ear cleaner? And what a wonderful lamp! It just needs a little polishing. (He rubs the lamp) O what’s that? What’s that sound Budhi?
Genie: Finally free after thousands of years of captivity! Hahaha!. Now, who let me out of the magic lamp? (to audience)Was it you? (To Budhi) Or was it you? (to the King) Aaaah!!
Budhi: No actually.
King: YYYes, it was I.
Genie: Aaaaah Master! What can I do for you?
King: O eh eh eh?
Genie: Please engage me in your service. Hurry! Don’t you know what I have to do if you don’t give me a service?
King: Eh no.
Genie: If you don’t give me a service, I ‘ll have to kill you!
King: Kill me!?
King: Horribly!? Ooooh!!!
Genie: So quickly engage me. Master! Hahaha!
King: O Budhi!
Budhi: T. Polish! Brass Copper!
King: Genie, genie, I want you to polish all the brass and copper you can find in my kingdom.
Genie: Is that all master?
Budhi: And silver.
King: O yes. And all the silverware.
Genie: At your service master. Haha I’m on my way!
King: Hmm.(thinks) Actually, it could be quite handy, having a genie around, don’t you think?
Budhi: T. And how will His Majesty deal with this genie when he returns?
King: O ooo But Budhi, we won’t see him for a long time. He has to polish all the brass and silver in the kingdom. That that will take weeks! Months! Years! (sound) O no!
Budhi: What did you say your majesty, Years?
Genie: I’m baaaaaack!
King: Dddddid you polish all the brass, copper and silver in my entire kingdom?
Genie: Everything master………Just see!
King: How beautiful!
Genie: Thank you. And what can I do now master?
King: Eh. Eh eh
Genie: Quickly! Quickly my hands are starting to itch. You don’t want to die do you?
King: O Budhi
Genie: I will count to three. One! Two!
King: Eh! O genie I want you to clean all my windows.
Genie: Is that all?
Budhi: (whispers) All the windows in your kingdom.
King: And all the windows in my kingdom
Genie: Thank you master. I’m on my way!
King: Phew! O what a relief. (laughs) There must be thousands, if not millions of windows in my kingdom. And some of them are so dirty Budhi, you could plant cabbages in them (laughs) (sound) O no! It can’t be!
King: Have you cleaned all my windows?
Genie: All of them. Come and see for yourself master. You see? Even the one’s of the brahmacari ashram
King: A miracle!
Budhi: Well done.
Genie: And what shall I do now, master?
Genie: You haven’t forgotten what happens to you, if you don’t keep me busy?
King: Eh nooo, eh.
King: Ehhhhhh Mammy!
Budhi: Ahhh! Visit all the mothers.
King: Did you hear that genie? Go out and gossip with all the mothers in my kingdom, eh, about the weather!
Genie: O, if I must. Ha ha ha!
King: O Budhi He’ll be busy now for sure, but we can’t go on like this.
Budhi: We have to think of something that will keep him constantly engaged.
King: Indeed, but but how? (sound) O nooo!
Budhi: O yes.
Genie: Haaaaa. I’m back! Both your mothers send their love. And your mother asked me to remind you to wear those knitted sweaters you had for your birthday.
Budhi: O haha ahum. Yeah yeah yeah.
Genie: Can I use your bathroom please. I had to force down at least a thousands cups of tea.
King: Over there. Second on the left,
Genie: Thank you
King: Next to the potted plant.
Genie: In the mean time, start thinking of something nice for me to do! Otherwise I’ll kill you anyway!
King: Aha. O Budhi, how can we keep him engaged forever?
Budhi: Wait a minute. What did I read in the Bhagavad Gita the other day?
Genie: Master, what can I do for you?
King: Eh. Budhi?
Genie: I count to three!
King: I can’t think of anything!
Genie: Then kiss each other goodbye!
Budhi: I’m thinking. I’m thinking
Budhi: Stop! Genie we have an engagement for you.
Budhi: It is eternal!
Budhi: And it will make you very happy!
Genie: Tell me! Tell me!
Budhi: Now listen carefully! Repeat after me. Hare Krishna.
Genie: Hare Kr. Kr. (spits)
Budhi: Hare Krishna
Genie: Hare Krkrkr Uhhh! I want to back inside my lamp! Where is my lamp (cries)
Budhi: Hare krishna
Genie: Hare Krishna
King: O Budhi, can I try? Krishna Krishna
Genie: Krishna Krishna
King: Hare Hare
Genie: Hare Hare
King & Budhi: Hare Rama
Genie: Hare Rama
King & Budhi: Hare Rama
Genie: Hare Rama
King & Budhi: Rama Rama
Genie: Rama Rama
King & Budhi: Hare Hare
Genie: Hare Hare
King: And there is a dance with it and it goes like this.
Budhi: Hands up!
King: Hahaha No not like that! Like this! Kirtan time!
Budhi: I’ll get the royal mridanga.
King: O yes! Eh be quick Budhi! Where are my karatals? O here they are.
Budhi: Take it away your majesty! (Kirtan)
Genie: I like it!
Budhi: Now, go and travel throughout the country and teach everyone this mantra!
Genie: Jay prabhu.
King: Budhi, what did you actually read in the Bhagavad gita?
Budhi: In chapter six your majesty, it says that the mind is the best friend of those who control him, but those who are controlled by him, his mind is his greatest enemy.
Budhi: And through the chanting of the maha mantra. Man is as you know Sanskrit for mind.
King: Really? Eh of course.
Budhi: Hmm of course. Tra means to deliver and maha means great so maha mantra means the greatest or easiest deliverer of the mind.
King: I see. Eh Budhi, eh could I have look at that Bhagavad Gita?
Budhi: But of course, your majesty. If you’ll accompany me to my quarters I’ll lend it to you.
King: Thank you Budhi. What would I do without you. You know what Budhi, I’ll think you deserve a raise in your salary.
Budhi: O eh, if you insist, your majesty.
King: O Budhi!
Caru das (ACBSP) Utah USA: At our Himalayan fest we performed "The Genie in the Lamp" using your sound track CD. It was a big success! Four or five hundred watched it on the outdoor stage, laughed lustily at all the right times, and applauded enthusiastically. It was ideal for us as we have few members, and this play only took five actors.