Transylvania Transcended

Script by Vrindavan Candra das

Additional lines by Parividha das

Engineered and mastered by Dwarakadisa das
Directed and produced by Parividha das © 1997


Girl: (Runs on stage screaming, followed by Dracula) Ahhhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Dracula: I'm in the mood for blood, simply because you are near me! O honey, when you are near me, I’m in the mood for blood.
Devotee: Excuse me!
Dracula: Huh?
Devotee: I couldn’t help but notice, but you’ve got such a beautiful voice.
Dracula: Ah, my lovely one, you are such a feast for the eyes, what to speak of the tongue.
Devotee: Of all the senses, the tongue is the most voracious, and difficult to control.
Dracula: But my dear! How can you speak to me of control, when the mere sight of you fills me with lusty desires?
Devotee: It is lust only, which is the all-devouring enemy of the world.
Dracula: Ha ha ha! But my dear, you misunderstand me. I. I feel a profound attachment towards you.
Devotee: Ah! Of course! While contemplating the object of the senses, one develops attachment. And from that attachment lust develops.
Dracula: You little! make me so angry, I could bite you!
Devotee: Yes, from lust anger arises. From anger delusion develops. From delusion bewilderment of memory, and when memory is bewildered, intelligence is lost. And when one looses his intelligence, one falls down from the spiritual path. You see, it's a very risky business.
Dracula: Hah! If anyone is taking a risk, my dear, it is you! Ha ha! Obviously, you don't know who I am. Ha ha ha!
Devotee: Obviously, you don't know who you really are!
Dracula: I don't know who I am? Hah! Preposterous! Let me tell you then. I am Count Dracula of Transylvania, Prince of Darkness!
Devotee: Obviously, you are in darkness, for only an ignorant man considers the body as the self and his place of birth as worship able.
Dracula: T. You think you are so smart, eh? Then tell me, if I am not Count Dracula, who am I?
Devotee: Ah! My dear sir, your human life has just begun!
Dracula: Human life? Hah! Please do not insult me. I haven't known human life for over five hundred years!
Devotee: Never mind that. Atatho brahma jijnasa!
Dracula: A tomato what?
Devotee: (smiles) Atatho brahma jijnasa! That is Sanskrit, and it means that human life actually begins when one asks himself “Who am I?” You see, you think you’re this body, but your real identity is that of spirit soul, full of knowledge and bliss, and eternally connected to the Supreme Lord in an intimate relationship of love.
Dracula: Love? Me?
Devotee: Please understand. In contact with your material body and this material world, your eternal love of God has been transformed into mundane lust, and if you don’t give up this blood sucking business, there is a very good chance that in your next life you’ll take birth as a mosquito.
Dracula: A mosquito? No!
Devotee: Yes.
Dracula: No.
Devotee: Yes.
Dracula: No.
Devotee: Yes.
Dracula: But, but why? But, but how?
Devotee: Whatever state of being one remembers when he quits his body, that state he will attain without fail.
Dracula: But, but I have never even considered such things before.
Devotee: But you must.
Dracula: I see that now. But what can I do? My only business is to inflict misery on others, so that I can enjoy. Indeed, for personal pleasure, I do not hesitate to commit even the most abominable action. Yet, somehow or other,by your good instructions, I am feeling somewhat...somewhat meek and humble.
Devotee: These are not my instructions. They are the words of Lord Krishna to Arjuna, as given in the Bhagavad-Gita As It Is by His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. (Pulls out the Gita)
Dracula: Ahhh! Put that book away, its light is hurting my eyes!
Devotee: Yes, Godhead is light and ignorance is darkness. Where there is Godhead, there is no darkness. But, you are wrong to think that this book will harm you. Rather, it will relieve you of all the misery of material existence. Even your desire for blood!
Dracula: T. But my desire for blood has not been satisfied for over five hundred years! How can I purify such a strong desire as this?
Devotee: My dear sir, it is the arrangement of the Supreme that we drink the blood of the cow, after it has been transformed into milk, the miracle food. And from this milk we make butter and ghee, in which we cook wonderful preparations like samosas, puris. But the real test is in the tasting. (She pulls out a sweet from her bag) Here, try one of these. Go on! It won’t bite you.
Dracula: Ha ha! I’m the one, who does the biting around here. Remember?
Devotee: Ha ha ha! yes.
Dracula: Alright, give it to me. Mmm! Mmm! Mmmm!
Devotee: It’s good, isn’t it?
Dracula: Hmm! Absolutely delicious! Give me more!
Devotee: Alright. Just one. But if you want more, you have to come to our Sunday Feast, where you eat to your full satisfaction.
Dracula: Hmm. Is the recipe for this in that book?
Devotee: No the recipes are all in this one. (Hands Dracula the cook book)
Dracula: Hmm. Thank you. Hmm that looks tasty.(Puts the Gita on top of the cook book)
Devotee: And this is the book I mentioned earlier.
Dracula: Ah. Bhagavad Gita As It Is. (Looks trough the Gita) Never was there a time when I did not exist. Ha ha! It sounds like my uncle Vladimir. How much do I owe you?
Devotee: Oh, just give what you can.
Dracula: Alright. Will a hundred do?
Devotee: Oh! Oh! (looks for change in her bag)
Dracula: No no! Keep the change!
Devotee: Thank you. Now don’t forget the Sunday feast and bring your friends too.
Dracula: Hah, I will be there for sure, but as for my friends, well eh..Maybe another Sunday.
Devotee: But, before you go, I want you to have this book and give what you can. Hare Krishna!
Dracula: Hare?
Devotee: Krishna.
Dracula: Krishna!
Devotee: Yes. Hare Krishna.
Dracula: Hare Krishna
Devotee: Excellent! I’ll see you on Sunday then!
Dracula: Bye bye He mommie! Wolfie! Uncle Vladimir. I found somewhere great, where we could go for a bite on Sunday.